Now is the time for giving... and FORgiving...

This week has been a strange week. Within a 48-hour period, I had to have 2 incredibly awkward conversations, one with someone I love very much and never wanted to hurt, but because of lack of disclosure on their part, it turns out I really dealt a deep blow to unintentionally, I (well, my children) had a confrontation with the neighbor from hell who attacked my children for playing in the back and mistakenly stepping foot on his newly purchased parking area (no one told us, and the former owner never had issue with it... ), a blackout that caused us to huddle up with our other neighbors, who welcomed us with open arms, and the opportunity to renew a couple of friendships and relationships that had begun to fade into the distance otherwise known as time.

Perhaps it's the weather, though I'm THRILLED it's not snowing (for a number of reasons, one of which is childish and petty, but it makes me giggle, so there, ), but I'm feeling sluggish, physically, and therefore, rather contemplative. Yes, it's Rica's pontification hour. But I know y'all love it because I tend to say the same things you think out loud, unashamed.

As "Jeans" told me, one of the things that makes me so darned lovable is that I'm "crazy". Mind you, at first, I was appalled and shocked. I expected that of a lesser man, and someone who certainly would know the definition of "crazy", but from "Jeans"? NEVER! I thought he was being defensive and "poopy" because of some transitions that he has to make with regards to our friendship. But he explained further - it's because I'm "crazy" enough to blurt out what's really on my mind. That I don't really have a "censor" button when it comes to being open and honest. And that I will ask questions that no one would ever dare ask another person. So I'm "crazy" in the sense that you never know what to expect, and that I always keep you on your toes. That is what's so appealing - everyday is an adventure with me.

Enough about what makes me so darned irresistable, though, that's "a subject upon which I could discourse for hours... "

I do find this time of year especially brings it out in me. Last year, in one instance, there was a very pressing reason why I kind of had to force that, and, perhaps because it was possibly one of the ONLY times that there were some things that I couldn't blurt out, it was forced, and therefore doomed to fail. (Although, I think most people had their money against me on that one from the get-go many moons before the reconcilliation[s].) This instinct I have to sort these things out this time of year is due to one part end of the year/beginning of the next, one part sentimentality after giving "thanks" on Thanksgiving and approaching the holiday season, and a double dose of the pending anniversary of the death of Aaron Cass, (as well as the anniversary of a couple of other life-changing moments in my life, one of which will be new this year, but I have a few more weeks to dread that, so why start now?).

The point is, I think I've decided to go "all in" this year. Instead of letting these matters just trickle into my head randomly, I'm throwing my hat in the ring to finally address all those 800-pound gorillas in my life with the people who are feeding those primates bananas and keeping them around. I have too much to look forward to at the moment to let those nagging questions and regrets get in my way. For once, I'd like to only focus on 1-3 major life issues at a time, instead of 17+ at any given moment in a day.

In a sense, I'm "retiring". I should receive a financial pension for the hours of worry and self-punishment I've inflicted over the years.

But, no. So, consider yourself warned, or consider this your opportunity. You may not expect it, but like the Holy Inquisition, I may show up on your doorstep, so to speak, with a question or an awkward request for a conversation. If there are any open issues that we have, any feelings that weren't addressed, any words you've ever wanted to say, or share, experiences that you've wanted to discuss, my door is open. And, unlike Lucy, I won't charge you a nickel or pull the ball out from under you at the last minute to watch you fall on your butt. There will be no, "the words I believe you are looking for are, 'good grief'." If you really know me, you should know me well enough that, while I can be "spirited", I am not a grudge holder. While I may remember wrongs, I don't hold them against you. I just wait until it's the right time, for you or for me, to lay those cards on the table and talk about them.

I've surprised many people with that ability. And that's something I'm not going to stop.

So, there it is. When the holiday shopping is done, and you start doing that annual, "Top 10 of Things to Do before the year is over/Doozies of the past year", just add to the list, "resolve anything that I've got going on with Rica so we can all be in a better place next year."

It's out there, it's as personal an invitation as I could get out there without violating federal laws and postal regulations, so there it is.

I feel better already, don't you?

(And, "Jeans", this is like a band-aid - accept it fast, and it will hurt less. I'm sorry, but, yes, sometimes some hair and flesh get ripped off along with the band-aid, but I never knew they were so attached. I am so, so sorry to have hurt you.)