Friday, October 9, 2009

I am a leaf

Cold weary...

In the dead of winter, an ember lay dormant. I resisted. I resisted with what little I had within me.

I rejected it. I turned it away. But, as we revolved closer to one another, I grew tender to it. And I let it inside.

Spring started with a promise. A boost from within, a wave of warmth and light from an unexpected, yet familiar place shot me into the sun.

I was strong. I was firm. I was young again. A new spirit that was so familiar, but had gone missing surged through my veins.

I brightened from dull drums.

Come Summer, the youth and vigor wore off a bit, but I was still strong. Strong as always.

I had a mission. I had a goal. I had to prove worthy of that ember. Of that youth. Of the messenger that embedded itself in me in Winter. That brought new life to me in the Spring.

I was a flag of power. Of fighting. Of determination.


But then that ember turned away from me. It withdrew from within my now thin skin. And I began to crumble.

Slowly. That vibrant color that shone from within me in Spring, that signaled joy in Summer, fades. I see that warmth, that light, what made me feel alive disappearing into a cold distance.

You are turning away from me.

And it's killing me, bit by bit. Cell by cell.

I ache every time another molecule falls apart.

I'm hanging by a thread.

The exact thread I was dangling from when you found me almost a year ago. When you begged me to let you enter my world.

I can't hold on much longer. I want to. Or do I?

I only want to hold on for you. In hope that you'll return. That, when the cold and the bitter winds slash your face, and tears are forced from you... when you need a source of warmth... shelter... that you'll remember the cozy comfort of my embrace.

But it's getting colder, dear friend.

Without you, the gales strip me of what little I have left.

If I let go, where will I go? How can I not fall and rot away?

If you return, what will be left of me? Will you even remember? Will there even be a trace? A bare tree with no sign of where I've gone?

Will the breeze that fanned your heart a year ago in mine be kind to me? And sweep me North to you? So that I may be an ember in your heart?

Or is that too much to ask?

I can't let go. Not yet.

I don't know where to go if I do.

But I don't know, this late in the year, if I have the strength to hold on.

Please, tell me what to do? I've held on for so long for you.

I'm afraid to Fall.

4 comments:

  1. LOVE this..thanks for being part of my "leaf" essay contest!! http://su.pr/1Tu1XQ

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  2. Thanks, Cheryl! This was good to get off my chest, actually.

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  3. Beautifully done (as usual). And it reaches me in such a deep place.

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  4. Guess what?! I won the "Leaf" essay contest!

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